Up next in Blog Preston’s series on the best and worst reviewed eateries is The Twelve Tellers in Church Street in Preston City Centre. 

Part of the J D Wetherspoon chain, The Twelve Tellers gets its name from when the Baroque-style building it occupies used to be a bank, and within it was a 65-feet long counter with 12 tellers behind it.  

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I had invited my daughter Ground Zero to accompany me to Rise for breakfast, as it was on the list of the best reviewed eateries I needed to visit. Unfortunately for her, we hadn’t booked and people were queueing out of the door, so as The Twelve Tellers was around the corner from Rise and featured on the worst reviewed list, we decided to go there instead. 

Previous customers have called it a ‘rip off, stinking dump’ and mentioned cold food and rude staff, whilst others praised it for being ‘not too bad an experience as Wetherspoons go’.

Most know ‘Spoons as a cheap and cheerful place where beer and real ales can be served from 9am with food. A place frequented by students, football fans, creepy old men with muscly eyes and police officers. 

Walking in we were hit by a wall of noise as the place was packed despite the time being just 11.30am. After hearing a big gang of young gentlemen loudly and melodiously explaining how someone manages to be their own cousin, we twigged that PNE were playing a game.

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The building itself is grand and roomy, with the added bonus of windows that were far too high up to throw anyone through. 

We had a look at the extensive menu and then ordered at the bar, which was quick to serve us despite the place being busy, and after a wait of about 15 minutes our food started to arrive. 

I’d ordered from the three small plates for £12.95 section and Ground Zero had ordered a jacket potato which came with one topping, a salad and a soft drink for £5.69. She’d also asked for two extra toppings – beans and tuna mayonnaise – for an extra 95p each. 

Ok, so before the Saturday evening handbagging commences, I’m just going to preemptively address some of the questions and statements that are going to show up in the comments:

Why even go there?  

I have to, because I’m visiting the best and worst customer reviewed restaurants in Preston and The Twelve Tellers is one of the latter. 

What did you expect, it’s a Wetherspoons?

I expected pre-made and pre-cooked food that is cheap and decent enough to be good value. There are some Wetherspoons out there where that’s what you’d get, but they aren’t in the City Centre. 

Your name’s Karen… Are you going to speak to the manager? 

No, Leonard. I’m going to speak to your brother George about it being time for you and he to have the special ‘rabbits and alfalfa’ talk.   

So, here we go…

There was a potato and it was wearing a jacket, but, judging by the quality of the rest of the food, that was less about flavour and more about convenience. Customers might count themselves lucky that the bean wasn’t still wearing its tin and the cheese wasn’t still wearing it’s cow.

The chicken strips were unremarkable but no worse than any other deep fried, breaded, catering chicken breast, making them the safest option for anyone locked in. The accompanying chipotle dip had a protective skin on it like it had been hurt one too many times, and beneath the skin it was a different colour, so after one dip I hid the pot behind my bag so I didn’t have to look at it, and it could start its healing process with dignity. 

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An eight-inch meat feast pizza looked alright, although the topping seemed to be on some sort of cracker. The pepperoni tasted spammy and the whole thing was bland and droopy but not inedible. Oddly, it’s priced at £5.95 on its own, or £4.65 with a soft drink as a Deli Deal.

The last of the three plates I ordered was curry sauce on chips, which costs £4.85 when bought individually. A tiny amount of bog-standard, Chinese chip shop style curry sauce was squarted on the middle section of chips, to ensure that the item tasted as good as it looked. 

The bill for food including one small Coke came to a total of £20.54, but as we only ate about a quarter of it, it was far less of a bargain than it first appeared. It’s possible that we were just unlucky with our choice of food or caught the kitchen on a bad day, although according to a member of staff the portion of curry sauce comes out of an individual sachet so that’s unlikely to change. 

Going off that day’s experience of mine, The Twelve Tellers belongs firmly at the bottom of places to eat in Preston. It’s settled there, decorated its house and started an epic feud with the neighbours (The Pavilion Cafe and The Brown Hare) about who stole Nan’s rings. It’s going nowhere, pal. 

That said, the soft drinks were nice, and I’m glad we managed to get at least two of them away from the hard liquor; they must have been going through hell in the store room. 

I’m aware this is an extremely harsh review. But even a cheap meal out at a chain pub should be enjoyable, and of a quality consistent with that of its other branches, especially as so many of the population currently don’t have money to burn. I’ve been to a few Wetherspoons that have been far better than The Twelve Tellers so I know they’re out there. 

What Wetherspoons does best is offer cheap drinks and cocktails, a lively atmosphere and long opening hours.

The staff on the floor were friendly and working hard, including the bouncers who spoke politely to the few football supporters who were getting too rowdy.

Credit should go to the waiting staff in particular. As the bearers of culinary bad news they are often the ones who get the fallout from customers who are served poor food, which must be exhausting, whilst the owners of chains like Wetherspoons and Greene King are comfortably far removed from angry complaints from disappointed and sometimes inebriated diners. 

Luckily for those wanting a cheap meal in a highly rated restaurant, independent bar and eatery Smashed Preston is literally around the corner from The Twelve Tellers, and does a lunchtime offer Monday to Friday of a fresh, home-made burger, a pile of fries and a soft drink for £7. That’s 59p cheaper than the price of Ground Zero’s grim, microwaved jacket potato and Coke.  

You can read our review of Smashed Preston soon. 

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